yeah i still dont' really care to update this thing, but i will just give a little shout out to the new matrix revolutions movie. it got bad reviews, so i was reluctant to go see it, but then i realized that i love the matrix and i had to see it anyway. if i thought the first two movies were genius, could the creators really screw up the last movie that bad? so i went and saw it on saturday, and i was not disappointed at all! i loved it, especially the BLATANT christian symbolism. if this isn't a christian movie, then you are blind. so i am all about it.

sunday night i had my bible study girls over to my house for a little dinner and a movie. we watched the first matrix movie, so i could get them to love the movies just like i do :) only two girls ended up coming, but that is ok.

um yeah, my 40 day fast didn't last 40 days, and i am mad at myself. candy and other junk food get the best of me. so i have spent the past 4 days eating absolute crap, and having my body hate me. and everyday i have been like "today i am going to start fasting again, and finish out the next 20 days". yeah, that hasn't happened. but i am feeling really good about today, so i want to start again. so far so good, but hey it is only 11 in the morning and i have the rest of the day to go. but i am serious this time. and i asked people to pray for me, soi have to try. i think if i can just make it one whole day again, that will motivate me and i can get back on track. i mean come on, i didnt eat for 20 days, and now i can't even do one. but i CAN do it, and TODAY is the day!

due to lack of sleep, stress for exams, and the fact that i am mad at myself for breaking my fast, i haven't been in the best mood this weekend. i think last night was teh worst of it. i am feeling kinda overwhelmed, and definately feeling a lack in my spiritual life. the devil has gotten a foothold. and i just feel like Crusade expects too much out of their student leaders.. a lot of people want to pour their entire lives into this organization, and i think that is awesome. i don't.  i want to serve God, but i am here to go to school and i am putting school over campus crusade. i feel like i give an adequate amount of my time to this organization, and i am saying no to doing more. i am sorry if my bible study isn't perfect and i am sorry if i dont' want to go evangelizing for 3 hours a week in markley and i am sorry if i dont' want to spend all my free time meeting one on one with the girls in my bible study or going to dinner with them or going to prayer functions. ah. last night the question arose as to why crusade looses so much of its upperclassman leaders and upperclassman attendence. i can tell you why. they guilt trip you into being a leader or being heavily involved, and if you say no, then there is like no place for you left. you are looked down upon if you simply want to be in a bible study rather than lead one. as an upperclassman you are no longer allowed to be "spectator" of crusade, you ahve to get involved and take leadership roles... yeah. i am venting. i mean, really, the organization is awesome and i think it does a lot of great things and i think i have way more praises for it than faults. anyway...

here i was only goign to announce to the world that they needed to go see the matrix revolutions and be done writing in this, but i just kept going.

two exams and i big quiz this week. bible study tonight. i am busy.

but i might get two visitors this weekend! aaron might come friday, and anne on saturday. i hope we have fun. i hope i still have time this weekend to get homework done so i don't feel even more stressed out after they leave.

i am in the slc right now, in the chem building.. and someone just brought good smelling food in here... but i am not eating!

woohoo! yeah for a good 21st birthday :) i had so much fun at the dojo. yes i might have been slightly drunker than i had planned on getting, but i think i was well controlled, and i had a lot of fun with my friends. so thank you for all who were present. but, i am done with the alcohol for awhile (awhile might mean 4 more days, when deedee turns 21, and then a week after that, when boeve turns 21..lol) yeah. i got my hangover today at 8pm. but at least i survived my 4 hours of class just fine today. and let me just say when you stick 3 drunk girls together in a room to sleep together, girl talk gets going and all the truth comes out! :) love ya, kort.

we went to seva, a vegetarian restaurant tonight after cru, and watch out, my friends actually liked it! so that's cool.

well my week of slacking off has come to an end, after my no-exam stretch and fall break. now i have two exams and a quiz next week. i have to start focusing again. the party is over. now i am just another 21 year old.

ok i gotta catch up a little bit...

thursday night people went out to dinner for courtney ferch's 21st birthday. we went to don carlos on main street. it was fun, it was my first time eating out on main street. i felt all mature :) it was fun and i got to see people i don't see all the time, like jim, scotto, courtney, aaron, and dickie :) that made me more excited for my own 21st birthday, even though i am not a drinker quite like courtney is.

friday i headed home to gr. yeah for fall break! i was realy looking forward to it, b/c i miss the fam. i took jeni home too, and another freshman girl who needed a ride. so here i am in g-rap!

since i have been home i have been eating a TON!! :( oh well, i guess this is like a little vacation, and that is what you doon vacation, right? i have also seen kortney and anne.

last night, saturday night, i felt the compulsion to go get a tattoo. kortney, anne, jeni and i have had many conversations about this.. about getting them on our feet, and about white tattoos because jack osbourne from the osbournes on mtv got a white tattoo on his back and it looks really cool. well last night i thought i should go get a white, small, Jesus fish tattoo on my foot. i wasn't sure if i should, b/c i have always said i would never get one, and i wasn't all about permanent body alterations... but i felt spontaneous. so i called kort up, but she was babysitting and would be free until 9pm, and that is what time the places closed. well my sister was home, and she said she would go with me, and i knew if i didnt' go last night, i wasn't going to go. kort said we could go monday together, but i wasn't going to wait that long. so i got ready super fast and went with my sis. i told myself if God really didn't want me to get this done, he would work some circumstance out that i couldn't get it that night. we went to some place in egr, in easttown, that i just looked up in the phone book. we got there at 8:30, with only a half hour to go until close. i asked the guy if he had time to do a tattoo, and he said no. :( and i was sad and was like, well i guess God doesn't want me to get this done after all. but then he said he had to go check, and it turned out that they COULD fit me in!!!! woohoo! so i got a tattoo! i held my sisters hand really tight the whole time, but it wasn't that bad. it was pain, but not super intense pain. i was worried that i would regret it, but i don't. i am still excited about it! i mean, it is teeny, and it is white, so you have to really look at it to even see it, so i am not that bold and out there. but it can be a ministry too. yeah Jesus. so can you believe it? jessie and her type a personality are loosening up a little bit.

i am looking forward to being able to go to mars hill tonight. tomorrow my mom is taking the day off to spend with me, a little mom and daughter time for my birthday since i can't spend my real birthday with the fam.

thursday night there will be drinking at the dojo. kort gave me a shot glass and a little bottle of vodka last night, so i have enough for at least two shots. i am excited to have fun with friends for my b-day. i really don't want to get drunk, but we will see what happens....  scotto said 4 shots total... i am going to see if i can get my parents to buy me some alcohol to bring back to school, so i have a supply. if they were cool about the tattoo, they might be cool with supplying me with a little something... :)

jeez i sound like a rebel. but i promise i am still trying to be a good conservative christian girl :)